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Self Esteem (7)
Where Did Your Self Beliefs Come From?
Build your Self-Esteem - A Starter Guide to Self Improvement
Was your Childhood Sabotaged By Negative Influences?
Self-Esteem: A Psychology Lesson
Social Upbringing & Links To Self Esteem
What Makes You Tick? 10 Questions You Should Ask Yourself
"Who's the Boss?" 10 ways to Start Taking Control
Build your Self-Esteem - A Starter Guide to Self Improvement
Was your Childhood Sabotaged By Negative Influences?
Self-Esteem: A Psychology Lesson
Social Upbringing & Links To Self Esteem
What Makes You Tick? 10 Questions You Should Ask Yourself
"Who's the Boss?" 10 ways to Start Taking Control
Where Did Your Self Beliefs Come From?
All the beliefs and images that go into our self-concepts have one thing in common - not one of them were with us when we were born. Each of us is born with definite physical characteristics and undiscovered capacities, but no-one is born knowing that they are male or female, black or white; nor does anyone come into the world already believing they are stupid or smart, pretty or ugly, shy or confident, strong or weak, lovable or unlovable, superior or inferior. All beliefs are learned.
As far as ideas and impressions of ourselves are concerned, as newborns we begin life with a blank canvas. Just as we later learn what sex we are, the colour of our hair, what our name is and who our parents and siblings are, so too, we learn to think of ourselves as stupid or smart, pretty or ugly, shy or confident, strong or weak etc.
Many of the basic ideas we have about ourselves were acquired prior to adulthood, from two main sources:
1. How others treated us
2. What they told us about ourselves.
In early infancy, non-verbal communication played the most crucial role. Depending on how much affection, food, physical touch and warmth we received as infants.we formed general impressions about whether we were loved and worthy. Then with the development of language capacity we began to translate these general impressions into specific words within our minds, and what others told us about ourselves started to have as great an impact on our developing self-concepts as how they treated us. Our self image was born.
People are deeply influenced by the attitudes of others toward the self and over the course of time, we come to view ourselves essentially as we are viewed by others. As we grew up and learned basic ideas about who we are and what we're about, each of us also learned strong ideas about who we should be and what we should be like. Whereas our ideas about who we actually are make up our own self image or 'perceived' self, our ideas about who we should be form our ideal self. Typically, we constantly compare our perceived self to our ideal self, and the wider the gap between the two the lower our level of self esteem.
None of the ideal standards by which we judge ourselves was with us at birth. We were taught to believe we should be a certain way, and the specific ideals and standards by which we judge ourselves often require close examination. It is important for us to be fully aware of our own self-image and aware too of what our 'ideal self' is. Both our self-image and our current notion of our 'ideal self' can be changed. If you need to improve your self-image or want to sculpt a new ideal self, you can learn how to use the power of positive affirmations to create and manifest change in your life.
Build your Self-Esteem, A Starter Guide to Self-Improvement
So how do you stay calm, composed and maintain self esteem in a tough environment? Here are some tips you can consider as a starter guide to self improvement.
Imagine yourself as a dart board. Everything and everyone else around you become darts at one point or another. These darts can destroy your self esteem and pull you down in ways you won’t even remember. Don’t let them destroy you, or get the best of you. High self esteem is important for creating a life of abundance.
So which darts should you avoid?
#1 Negative Work Environment
Beware of “dog eat dog” situations where everyone else is fighting just to get ahead, they will ruin your self esteem. Environments like this are where non-appreciative people usually thrive. No one will appreciate your contributions even if you miss lunch and dinner, and stay up late. Enlist help where and when you need it and don't be afraid to ask for help. Competition is everwhere. Be healthy enough to compete, but make sure it's a healthy competition. It will be useful to formulate positive affirmations for your work and career. You can do this quickly and easily using the Rich Right Now! P.R.A.I.S.E¹ formula.
#2 Other People’s Behaviour
Bulldozers, brown nosers, gossipmongers, whiners, backstabbers, snipers, controllers, naggers, complainers, exploders, patronizers… all these kinds of people will attract bad vibes for your self esteem. They have no place in your self improvement plan.
#3 Changing Environment
Change challenges us. It tests our flexibility, adaptability and alters the way we think. Changes may make life seem difficult for a while, but it will always help us find ways to improve ourselves. Change will always be part of our lives, and we should learn to not only embrace it but to be the instigators and creators of it within our own lives.
#4 Past Experience
It’s okay to cry and say “ouch!” when we experience pain. But don’t let past pain or mistakes transform themselves into fear. Treat each failure and mistake as a lesson, learn from it and move on.
#5 Negative World View
Try to look beyond the clouds. Don’t wrap yourself up with all the negativities of the world. In building self esteem, we must learn how to make the best out of worst situations.
#6 Determination
The way you are and your behavioral traits are said to be a mixture of genetics, your upbringing and your environmental surroundings. You have your own identity. If your father was a failure, it doesn’t mean you have to be a failure too. Learn from other people’s experience, so you’ll never relive the same mistakes.
Sometimes you might wonder if some people are just 'born' leaders or positive thinkers. NO, they're not. Being positive, and staying positive is a choice. Building self esteem and creating room for self improvement is a choice.
It's sometimes hard to stay positive especially if things and people around you keep pulling you down. Building self esteem can only lead to self improvement if we become responsible for who we are, what we have and what we do. When we develop our own self esteem, we take control of our mission, values and discipline. So how do you start putting up the building blocks of self esteem? Be positive. Be contented and happy. Be appreciative. Never miss an opportunity to compliment. A positive way of living will help you build self esteem, your starting point to self improvement.
Was Your Childhood Sabotaged By Negative Influence?
One reason we often think we're not good enough is due to an arsenal of guilt, criticism, fear and resentment we were bombarded with as children. Out of the hundreds of messages 2-year olds hear from their parents in a single day, approximately 32 are positive, 432 negative.
Throughout our childhood most of us looked upon our parents as the good fairies who were there to protect and guide us. Yet by instilling guilt and fear our parents often unwittingly played the role of the evil fairies as well. Although much of their behaviour was well-intentioned and designed to elicit our correct behavior; it potentially promoted low self-worth.
Guilt
If we heard messages about how "bad" we were as children, we tried to act in ways that would earn our parents' love and acceptance. Consequently, children who experienced a great deal of guilt were brought up to please others and to deny their own needs. Ask yourself how you feel when you do something simply to please others.
Fear
Children naturally want to explore, experience, ask questions and probe the world around them. Therefore, a family environment filled with fear is possibly the most damaging. As adults, our fears may translate into physical ailments. Fearful adults often disguise their emotions by exaggerated bullying behavior. When confronted with a child's emotion that triggers their own fearful response, they belittle the child, calling him names rather than offering support and understanding. Fear can smother an individual's creativity and willingness to love. You overcome fear by learning to love and value yourself.
Criticism
Nothing produces such an overwhelming sense of unworthiness like a parents criticism. Remarks like "you never do anything right" cause self-confidence to plummet. Under stress, you might sometimes hear the same words coming out of your own mouth directed at your own children. How can we stop the flow of critical abuse that filters down from one generation to the next? Release the habit of criticism, and your self-esteem will begin to spring back to life.
Resentment
When we're resentful of others' success, happiness or material wealth, it means we have lost sight of our own goals and aspirations. We all possess different gifts, abilities and innate talents. Resenting others' good fortune is a barrier to our own growth and change. Begin affirming your own uniqueness with statements like, 'I am my own person and claim my unique place in the universe.' In 'Rich Right Now! Affirmations for an Abundant Life' Chapter 5 focuses on Affirmations for Self.
Self-Esteem: A Psychology Lesson
As children, we needed to feel that we were significant. From our parents we sensed how much we mattered. If we believed we did not matter much, that we were not important in our own right, then our self-esteem got off to a poor start. A person who never acquired a sense of their own inherent significance may suffer guilt about being alive, or may go through life feeling they are nothing but a victim of fate, totally incapable of making a difference in the world.
Adults communicate the importance of a child's existence long before any language is spoken. The softness of the adult's touch and manner of holding the child is the infant's first clue to their significance. The child learns whether they are pleasurable to hold, or a source of worry, tension or unhappiness. Without the warmth that comes from physical affection and the nourishment of food, a child can become overwhelmed by anxiety. Even before they learn to structure their perceptions and senses into patterns of thought and speech, a child can begin to wonder in their own hazy yet crucial way whether they are 'okay', and what they have to do to be 'okay'.
Many believe that in the earliest stages of infancy, the newborn cannot distinguish between themselves, others and the external environment at large. They are not aware aware of any boundaries, and experiences their mother and other caretakers as extensions of themselves rather than as separate entities. Hence, the newborn is often said, and correctly so, to be entirely egocentric, for they have not yet become aware that their needs are only their needs, and that others have needs of their own, needs which might not be compatible with theirs.
Eventually, however, the newborn does become aware that they are a separate being, that the world and others exist apart from them, and when they do become aware of this unsettling fact it can strike them as truly terrifying. For it is then that they switch from their perception of herself as all-powerful to their perception of themselves as entirely powerless, completely dependent upon someone else to fulfill their pressing physical and psychological needs. Unless someone else does fulfill those needs, the child's first, most basic feelings will be those of anxiety, insignificance and worthlessness.
With an understanding of language, the child's sense of self-esteem takes on a symbolic form; what was previously only experienced is now expressed symbolically, through words. Non-verbal communication remains important, but as they grow older, language plays a more and more important role in establishing their sense of significance.
Social Upbringing & Links To Self Esteem
It has not been substantiated that there is any link between low socio-economic standing and low self-esteem in children. There is no guarantee that if a child was raised in a financially well-off family they will have developed a high self-esteem, or that if one is raised in a poor family they will have developed low self-esteem. The crucial factor in terms of self-esteem development is the quality of the parent-child relationship.
There have been interviews of numerous men and women who grew up in extremely well-off families yet whose parents were inattentive, abusive, alcoholic and/or disturbed; these people may have been born with the proverbial silver spoon in their mouths, yet they grew up without high self-worth. Conversely, people who grew up in poverty or near poverty, but their parents made up for what material lack by nurturing them in a loving environment. These men and women grew up knowing they were loved, lovable and worthy.
By working early and being treated as responsible, some also developed a sense of competence and autonomy that many more financially privileged people failed to attain. Although money does not automatically bring a child self-esteem and lack of money does not automatically preclude self-esteem, lack of financial security can have a disruptive effect on the quality of the relationships within a family, and this in turn can adversely affect children's self-esteem.
While there is no guarantee that money will give children an edge in self-esteem development, a child who grows up in a family where there is not enough money to insure a basic standard of living faces obstacles to self-esteem that children in financially secure families do not face.
Be all you can be.
Nothing should bother or even hinder us to becoming all we ought to be. Aspirations we held as children should continue to live within us and we should continue to hold on to our dreams and always strive to disoover new dreams. They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks… or can they?
1. What do I really want?
The question of the ages. So many things you want to do with your life and so little time!
Finding something that you are good at can help realize that small step towards self-improvement.
2. Should I change?
Only you know the real answer to that. If you're 100% happy with your life, then you probably don't consider change necessary. But what if you could wave a magic wand, would you still keep everything as is, or would you change something, even some small aspect of you or your life? Consider the possibilities and never settle.
3. Can I make the time to change?
With so much is happening around us there seems to be no room for even considering the possibilities for change. let alone implementing them. Everyone can do something small every day to bring about a desired change. Even it's only a series of small steps, isn't that better than no steps at all? Try using affirmations to help your focus.
4. Am I comfortable with what I'm doing?
There's always the easy way and the right way when it comes to deciding what goes with which shoes, or purse, shirt and whatnot. It doesn't take a genius to see yourself as someone unique, or else we'd all be equally the same in everything we do. Variety brings in very interesting and exciting questions to be experimented.
5. Have I done enough for myself?
Have you, or is there something more you want to do in your life? Discontentment in large doses can be dangerous, but in small amounts it can be motivator to bring about the ability to do things you now couldn't even imagine doing. If you feel there's more you can do for yourself, then set about doing it, end the discontentment and start creating abundance in your life.
6. Am I happy at where I am today?
It's a fair question so let it be a fair answer! Even if you are happy with where you are, why not try taking it up a notch! Break the boundaries. Set yourself targets for what you want to achieve, create affirmations to help you get there faster.
7. Am I attractive to other people?
Whether you shape-up, change the way you wear your hair, or even your attitude towards other people, you should always remember it must always be first and foremost for your benefit and self-image.
8. How much could I have?
We're not necessarily talking about material gain. There is no such thing as wanting too much. Your desire to improve is an indication of your commitment to self improvement and with self improvement will come the rewards, whatever form they take. You can create the abundance you desire using the P.R.A.I.S.E.¹ formula.
9. What motivates me?
What motivates you? That answer you'll have to find within yourself. There are so many things that can make each of us happy, but identifying them is often the hardest part.
10. What Really Makes You Tick?
Do you know what really makes you tick? You can be just about anything you want to be. Not trying something because it seems difficult or even impossible is already giving up before you even start the journey. Dare to discover your true self. Learn to eliminate dreamstealers² from your life
"Who's the Boss?" 10 ways to start taking control
Practicing positive thinking allows us to focus on our strengths and accomplishments, which increases happiness and motivation. This, in turn, allows us to spend more time making progress, and less time feeling down and stuck. The following tips provide practical suggestions that you can use to help you shift into more positive thinking patterns:
1. Take Good Care of Yourself
It's much easier to be positive when you are eating well, exercising, and getting enough rest.
2. Remind Yourself of the Things You Are Grateful For
Stresses and challenges don't seem quite as bad when you are constantly reminding yourself of the things that are right in life. Taking just 60 seconds a day to stop and appreciate the good things will make a huge difference.
3. Stop Making Assumptions
A fear of not being liked or accepted sometimes leads us to assume that we know what others are thinking, but our fears are usually not reality. If you have a fear that a friend or family member's bad mood is due to something you did, or that your co-workers are secretly gossiping about you when you turn your back, speak up and ask them. Don't waste time worrying that you did something wrong unless you have proof that there is something to worry about.
4. Refrain from Using Absolutes
Have you ever told a partner "You're ALWAYS late!" or complained to a friend "You NEVER call me!"? Thinking and speaking in absolutes like 'always' and 'never' makes the situation seem worse than it is, and programs your brain into believing that certain people are incapable of delivering.
5. Detach From Negative Thoughts
Your thoughts can't hold any power over you if you don't judge them. If you notice yourself having a negative thought, acknowledge it, detach from it and don't follow it.
6. Squash the "ANTs"
In his book "Change Your Brain, Change Your Life," Dr. Daniel Amen talks about Automatic Negative Thoughts. These are the negative thoughts that are usually only 'reactionary, for example, 'Those people are laughing, they must be talking about me,' or 'The boss wants to see me? It must be bad!' When you notice these thoughts, stop them from progressing.
7. Practice A Lovin', A Huggin' & A Squeezin'
You don't have to be an expert to know the benefits of a good hug. Positive physical contact with friends, loved ones, and even pets, is an instant pick-me-up.
8. Increase Your Social Activity
By increasing social activity, you decrease loneliness. Surround yourself with healthy, happy people, and their positive energy will affect you in a positive way!
9. Offer some help
We all feel good about themselves after helping someone out. You can volunteer your time, your money, or your resources. The more positive energy you put out into the world, the more you will receive in return. Thats the Law of Attraction. You can learn more about the Law of Attraction in Chapter 1 of the Rich Right Now! Affirmations for an Abundant Life' ebook.
10. Use Pattern Interrupts
If you find yourself dwelling or thinking too long on an issue or problem, a great way to stop it is to interrupt the pattern and force yourself to do something completely different. Negative thinking is never productive, because it's not rational or solution-oriented, it's just excessive worry. Try changing your physical environment - go for a walk or sit outside.
¹ Learn more about the P.R.A.I.S.E formula for creating powerful self improvement affirmations in the Rich Right Now! Affirmations for an Abundant Life ebook.
² Learn more about dreamstealers and how you can eliminate them in the Rich Right Now! Affirmations for an Abundant Life ebook.
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